Red Flag/Green Flag: What to Look for When You’re Dating – How Can You Tell if Someone Is Right for You?
Dating can be exciting, but it’s also a time to pay close attention to the patterns and behaviors that either build connection or raise concern. Whether you’re new to dating or getting back out there, knowing what to look for can make all the difference. Using the Gottman Method, along with other trusted sources in relationship psychology, here’s how to spot red flags and green flags—and how to know if someone might truly be right for you.
Red Flags in Dating
Red flags are signs that a relationship may become unhealthy or harmful. According to Drs. John and Julie Gottman, warning signs include:
Contempt or criticism early on (mocking, name-calling, put-downs)
Lack of accountability or blame-shifting
Controlling behavior—such as monitoring your whereabouts or isolating you from others
Avoidance of emotional intimacy, like refusing to talk about feelings
Inconsistent communication or ghosting patterns
These behaviors can signal deeper relational issues down the line. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s worth paying attention.
Green Flags in Dating
On the other hand, green flags are healthy behaviors that indicate a person may be emotionally safe and supportive. Look for:
Respectful communication—even during disagreements
Emotional availability and a willingness to be vulnerable
Consistency and reliability
Support for your growth and individual goals
Shared values and compatible visions for the future
The Gottmans highlight the importance of emotional attunement—being able to recognize and respond to your partner’s needs—as a key factor in relationship success.
Need Support Navigating Dating?
At Breath of Hope Professional Counseling, we help individuals build strong, healthy relationships—starting with themselves. Whether you’re struggling with dating anxiety, recognizing patterns from past relationships, or simply want guidance in choosing the right partner, our licensed therapists are here to help.
Reach out today to schedule an appointment and take the next step toward mindful, empowered dating.
Click here to schedule a session.
